Encore chez moi

whoa. home is a funny place. i am once again in the united states of good ol' america, and it is natural, and yet surreal in the back of my head, especially when I think of where and how I've been living for the past several months. here is an email I sent to my girl, Nitzan, just after returning:

the last couple days i was just bouncing back between extremes - i was totally
fine until someone mentioned the end and then i refused to talk or even think about
it, or else id just burst out into tears.  so i didn't think about it, generally !  :) 
but of course i cried at the end, especially saying goodbye to mama najat and was
actually running at the end (u know me) because of an EXTREMELY slow
binding job on my paper and so didnt do real formal goodbyes to a few ppl... including
asmaa and meryam.. they're gonna kill me... but this was
almost better because i would have been an uncontrollable wreck.  i love those girls so
much...  and the worst part is how difficult it is to communicate - phones are almost out,
i was only able to get thru to my home phone of almost all the numbers i had.  also,
can you send me jouchara's number?  i still need to call her.  but i talked with amine
yesterday and it seems all is fine in rabat.. besides it missing a few awesome american girls... :)

as for HOME... it is amazing.  i knew i had really missed it, but it is
both dreamy and refreshingly real and normal to be back.  im doing all the
overly american things that i would have never stood for until after
spending 6 months without those all-too american luxuries... went for a
manicure and (bright red toenails!!) pedicure with my cousin yesterday 
and drove around with the windows down, blasting my khamza-dirham 
bootlegged CDs, wore a tank top and a short skirt, and talked about boys and 
school adn the future, then went home and spent 4 hours with claire on the 
phone - i LOVE free long-distance!!!!!  so, im having no trouble adjusting 
back into the comforts of america, and just giving myself a little time to
enjoy them mindlessly before i start contemplating what lasting effects
lovely and "exotic" morocco has left on my ethics and my
nearly-21-year-old wisdom.  that will come nex week, i think.  im 
heading to the mall of america this afternoon with claire and a
 friend from Mac and maybe it will hit me then... all the
commercialization, ridiculous prices (i SWEAR im gonna bargain at 
forever 21, give em a little run for their money..), and ppl who just flat out
have no idea how blind they are to the ease of their lives.  i only
started to notice my own blindness.

but im suddenly remembering all the projects and ppl and too-big 
thoughts i haven't had in my head since last january 26th... like waking up 
after a long sleep and, with the exception of a few changes - new songs on the
radio and my lil sister has now reached my height - i just step back into
the same pace and footsteps as before.  with a few new insights and
lessons under my belt.. from a foreign place. what a "culture shock."